Five on Friday

Oh lordy, am I happy to see this Friday. My first week of school hit me like a freakin' bus, which is pretty pathetic actually, considering I only have class three days a week. After spending a leisurely summer sitting on my butt and eating bon bons, even that exhausts me. Like I said, pathetic. Anywho down to business.

1. Fitting back into my size four jeans: Oh heck yes! Surprise, surprise all that a fore mention butt sitting and bon bon eating this summer didn't do me any favors, but between all the days working hard whining at the gym and getting back to eating healthy, I fit back in my favorite jeans again! 

     Disclaimer: My favorite jeans are from Ann Taylor loft, and they vanity size like nobody's business. I am not a size four.

    Another disclaimer: I also got deathly ill on Wednesday and basically haven't eaten anything but saltines in two days.....so there's that...

2. Going back to school in Lilly: That good ol' Endless summer sale come just in time for me to justify my crazy spree as back to school shopping. For my education, ya know? I'm so happy with everything I got, and they were so cheap they feel like little trophies. The kind you would win for being a really freaking good shopper.

3. Miley Cyrus at the VMA's: Well not her...more the discussion around her. Among all the silly posts on my Facebook newsfeed, you know the ones comparing Miley's butt to a chicken, I have seen people having discussions about how Miley's performance affected them and why. I think it's really great that people are talking about why we are so repulsed by Miley acting that way when it has basically become the norm for popstars. The answer being that we knew Miley as a child and feel pretty icky about objectifying her and seeing that much of her tongue. I'm also so happy to see people calling attention to the fact that Miley was not the ickiest part of that show, but Robin Thicke the 40 year old, married man grinding on her and singing about the blurred lines of consensual sex. Ewwww. End Rant.

4. My class schedule: Class only Tuesday through Thursday. Yes. Four day weekends every week. Yes. Having my all time favorite professor for the third semester in a row. Yup. It's going to be a heck of a good semester.

5. G-ville here I come! Yay! Going to spend my labor day weekend with my besties in Gainesville means eating at yummy restaurants and alternating between my bikini and my party pants all weekend! Just kidding, I don't have any party pants.

Note to self: Invest in a pair of festive pants. 

True Life: I'm a Dance Mom

Well, make that dance nanny.

My new job involves me sitting in a ballet studio for about three to four hours a day. When I heard my new boss utter these glorious words during my interview, visions of sugar-plum colored, sequin, hair bows and passive aggressive momma bears fueled by expensive cocktails did pirouettes through my head.

Can't you just see me perched up in that observation room, dead center between Melissa and Christie, complaining because my nanny baby didn't get a solo? I started mentally brushing up on my repartee right there in New Boss's kitchen. My nanny babies would get their garsh darn solos dangit! 

Man was I disappointed. Let me tell you, if you are considering dance mom as a career choice, odds are you have been severely misled. Don't worry I've been there. Turns out most dance studios don't operate exactly like the good ol' ALDC.

Please, allow me to walk you through a day in the life of a real dance mom/nanny. 
     3:00 Pack snack and dinner for dance babies.

     3:10 Help pack your little princess's dance bag with completely un-sparkly dance gear.

     3:15 Drive to un-glamorous dance studio.

     4:00 Arrive at un-glamorous dance studio and bid ado to dance baby as they rush into a room with a no parents allowed sign to do dance baby things.

     4:01 Hunker down in uncomfortable chair in un-glamorous lobby. Play Candy Crush. Check email. Check email again. Text your mom. Write a blog post. Twiddle your thumbs. Read a book. Play more Candy Crush. Eat some crackers. Instagram. Pinterest. Facebook. Rinse and repeat.

    7:30 Exhausted dance baby will emerge from secret room slightly sweaty carrying sparkle free dance bag.

    8:15 Drop dance baby off at home.

    8:35 Go home and watch True Blood.

All the girls wear plain pastel colored leotards and pink tights with tight bow-less buns, and the waiting room looks more like one at a doctors office than anything I've ever seen on the Lifetime network.

That's right folks. No pyramid. No expensive cocktails. No midriff baring sparkly outfits with matching hair-bows. No sassy theme numbers about gay marriage and homeless children who go shopping. None. Zilch. Nada. Not even a gosh darn glass box to sit in and watch  dance babies practice. The true life of a dance nanny. The struggle is real.

Alphabet Wednesday Warriors?

Oh happy day! Today is the day that I get to write my post for Kallie's Alphabet Weekend Warriors link up! Basically, Kallie organized 26 bloggers to each take a letter of the alphabet and plan a weekend day or night around it. I was assigned the letter H. And like my typical irresponsible self I procrastinated right through this weekend and ended planning my special H day today....Wednesday. Some weekend warrior I am.

I started off  the day by meeting up with my best friend Molly to hit the gym. That counts right? But not before a hearty breakfast of Honey Bunches of Oats.

Clearly Molly lives for those golden clusters.

Once we re-fueled we lugged our butts to the Hanet Fittnes.....just kidding...but we did work extra hard on our hamstrings and nobody even hyper-extended anything! Man, am I great at this or what?

When I got home, I worked more on that gosh darn unpacking and tidying. Which I'm starting to think will literally never end. I decided my homemade monogram over my bed looked a little lonely, so I decided to hang some pictures underneath.

After all that housework I was all excited to cook the H themed menu I had planned for dinner tonight:
     Home-made Green Bean Fries
     Honey Garlic Carrots
     Annie's Homegrown Mac n' Cheese
Don't look so impressed. My dinner failed...like just completely tanked. Completely.

Let's see, my green beans had funky little brown spots all over them, so those found their way into the trash pretty quick. Then I started on the honey carrots. I don't know what I was doing wrong didn't know what I was doing. They just would not soften up. They would not. I had them simmering for a good 30 minutes, during which I drowned my carrot sorrows by eating half a box of that yummy mac n' cheese.

At least I was able to finish up my day with some homemade hazelnut iced coffee while I typed up this here post. 

We still have spots available for Alphabet Weekend Warriors! e-mail Kallie @ butfirstcoffeeblog@gmail for your chance to join in on the fun!

A Few Things

It is 5 AM. You may be wondering why I am awake. I'm wondering why I am awake.

It might be because I fell asleep at 10 last night while eating chicken nuggets and watching Raising Hope. It might be because I am stressing about all of the bags I need to unpack. It might because finally moving back into my apartment in Jacksonville means I occasionally have to sleep all alone in an empty apartment that has no fancy security system like the one my parents use to keep out the serial killers at their house. 

Now that I am awake with all the lights on, I feel confident that all those pesky pre-sunrise serial killers will leave me to watch Tru Blood and eat my 6 AM popsicle in peace. 

I miss my stupid boyfriend who went back to stupid Mississippi on stupid Wednesday. 

I spent my summer at home missing my independence. Now I'm here, all independent and what not. I accidentally forgot that independence means buying groceries and vacuuming, which sucks.

I got a new nannying job yesterday. It's fantastic. Just driving these two adorable girls to their ballet classes everyday and helping their mom out with some cooking and cleaning sometimes. Easy peasy. 

5 AM word vomit. Boom. Done.

Five on Friday: Sweet 16

I hereby dedicate this Five on Friday to my one and only baby brother, who turned the big 1-6 this week.

I hope this year brings big exciting things for him, like getting his license and hopefully getting out of this phase where he makes this oh-so-attractive face in every single picture. 

For real, he looks like he's having an allergic reaction to the camera.

1. Giving Blood- Hi, my name is Martha and I saved three lives this week. This is the number one thing Toby wanted to do on his big day. I know, how noble? He was so excited to finally be old enough and he took it like a champ.

Well....he took it like a champ who occasionally needs to hold his mommy's hand....But still noble!

2. My New Completely Spontaneous Haircut- That's right. I did it. I have been trying to grow my hair out since I cut it off a year and a half ago, but apparently I was not meant to have the luscious locks I crave. After all this time it's only grown a pathetic 2ish inches. So I decided I might as well make like Miley and rock what I get. Well...hopefully not just like Miley.....I was going back and forth about it up until I heard that first oh so permanent snip. The good news is I love it!

3. I found out America's Next Top Model is on Hulu Plus- Enough said.

4. The Japanese food I ate for Toby's Birthday Dinner- Also enough said.

5. Tina Fey's Bossypants and Mirror Mirror off the Wall- Both hilarious books by hilarious and awesome women. Girl Power.